नहीं सुनकर हिम्मत नहीं हारें ।

प्रायः हम किसी से कुछ माँगते हुए काफी संकोच करते हैं कि वह

क्या कहेगा या क्या सोचेगा?

अधिकांश मामलों में यह डर एकदम गलत होता है। अतः अपनी बात  पूरे आत्मविश्वास के साथ रखने का अभ्यास करें। सामान्यतः आपकी बात बिना किसी परेशानी के मान ली जायेगी।

  'नहीं' सुनने के डर से मत घबरायें। अगर कोई सचमुच भी आपकी बात मानने से इंकार कर दे तो भी हिम्म्त नहीं हारें। अपनी बात के पक्ष में तर्क देकर उसे मनाने की हर संभव कोशिश करें। हो सकता है कि आपके तर्क से सहमत होकर वह आपकी बात मान ले।

महाभारत में श्रीकृष्ण ने दानवीर कर्ण को पाण्डवों के पक्ष में करने के लिये कुन्ती को भेजा। कुन्ती ने कर्ण को पुत्र कह कर सम्बोधित किया और ममता का हवाला दे कर पाण्डवों के पक्ष में करने के लिए काफी अनुनय-विनय किया।  लेकिन कर्ण अपने घनिष्ठ मित्र दुर्योधन का साथ छोड़ने के लिये राजी नहीं हुआ यद्यपि कुन्ती ने यह आश्वासन ले ही लिया कि वह युद्ध में वह इन्द्रपुत्र अर्जुन के अलावा और किसी भ्राता का वध नहीं करेगा।  श्रीकृष्ण ने भी हिम्मत नहीं हारी। सूर्य-पुत्र कर्ण के पास कवच और कुंडल रहने के कारण वह युद्ध में  अपराजेय था। अतः अधर्म को पराजित करने के लिये श्रीकृष्ण ने इन्द्र की मदद ली।  ब्राह्मण का वेश धारण कर इन्द्र को अनिच्छापूर्वक कर्ण से कवच-कुण्डल दान में मांगना पड़ा। 

अपनी बात लोगों से स्वेच्छापूर्वक मनवा लेना एक कला है। इस कला में आप जितने पारंगत होंगे, सफलता उतनी ही गर्मजोशी से आपके क़दमों को चूमेगी। 

WHERE AND HOW TO FIND PERFECT PEOPLE?

 A smart young man was searching a perfect bride; after making marathon efforts he found one, but alas, the poor chap was not a perfect groom in the girl's eyes.

    Even Shri Ram, and Shri Krishna had weaknesses. Shri Ram killed Bali by hiding. Shri Krishna had to flee from a fight. Therefore he is lovingly called Ranchhor too.

Hitler was a charismatic personality, a great orator, hard working honest leader as well as a visionary. He led  Germany successfully in the great depression. He worked wholeheartedly for his country.
 Hitler had the capability of becoming a historic personality but his hatred, against Jews, gays, etc., caused large-scale genocide. He became responsible for killing 5.5 million Jews and many million others. So despite all his talents, he is branded the biggest villain in the world.

None is perfect. Let's adjust and work with imperfect human beings.  Mahatma Gandhi fought freedom struggle successfully with illiterate masses. Shri Ram killed Ravan and captured Shri Lanka with the army of monkeys.

START SMALL TALKS TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS

Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. - Henry Clay.

Short talks attract attention of friends,  they strengthen existing friendship and turn new acquaintances into close friends.  Short talks also pre-empt any lull in the conversation.

One needs to ask only friendly questions to make one's friend talk comfortably. There is no place for uncomfortable issues in this friendship development process.

Use a few words of genuine appreciation to please your friend; he will start talking in detail. The more you hear him, the more impressed your friend will become and the friendship becomes more and closer.
Following questions will be helpful in starting small talks.
1. What is your name?
2. How many kids do you have?
3. How are you?
4. How are your children and what are they doing?
5. What is your opinion on this topic?

HOW I MANAGED A NICE SNUB?

Once my junior colleague X got flustered with me and lightly snubbed me; my immediate reaction was to teach him a perfect lesson. But I refrained myself from overreacting.
  After cooling down, I realized'" I am only an average human being out of trillions of people residing on this small earth compared to the vast galaxy.This great universe neither starts from me nor ends with me."
 My colleague X is a nice gentleman; he had supported me on numerous occasions. However, he was nervous and restless on that particular day due to an acute connectivity problem. Naturally, he lost his self-control a little.Therefore I decided to give him moral support. I told my friend Y, who is a very supportive person, to accompany and support X as far as possible.

Next day I called on X in office and asked with affection,” How he is?” I sympathized with him for acute connectivity problem that ground everything to a halt yesterday. He replied with all courtesy and good will.

Earlier I used to make a scene in similar circumstances and tried to teach such persons a lesson so that others dare not misbehave with me. But now there was a paradigm shift that satisfied all concerned. 

My elder brother-in-law used to exclaim, “I became matured at 50, Uttam Jee will attain maturity at 60." I appear to have achieved it at 54 years itself. What a good news! Ha! Ha! Ha!
We don't extract our teeth for biting our tongue; we don't throw our bike if it stops working in the midway. Then why should we sour a good friendship for trivial matters?

HOW I SAY " NO " SMOOTHLY.

I have to deal with lots of persons daily. I can't tell “YES " to all of them. So I have devised my own ways to say " NO" with as less heartburn as possible. I use “KIS "( Keep it simple.) formula in the process.  

Step No. 1. I welcome every person with a charming smile as well as empathy and  invite him to sit comfortably and listen to his problem attentively. (The visitor feels honored)

Step No. 2. If his request is worth conceding, I get his work done then and there. (Thus I earn the reputation of getting right things done fast without any hiccups.) If I can't comply with the valid request of the person immediately, I ask for time and ensure doing his work within proposed time.

Step No. 3. If the demand of the person is not genuine, I tell him frankly and politely about my inability to concede the demand and explain the reasons for it. I also clarify that instead of telling" No” now, I could have given him false promises. But this would have just been a waste of time for him. He becomes a little disappointed but finally agrees that it is better to tell "NO" in the first instance than lingering it for a long time unnecessarily.
Step No. 4. However, some of them are adamant and unnecessarily insist upon getting their demands complied. I ask for time to consult my seniors. Later on, I tell "NO" on the phone.
Step No. 5. Sometimes the demand of the visitor is genuine, but I am unable to help him. I convey my feelings to him and also assure him that I shall do whatever I can to help the just cause.

I guarantee the visitor in all the above situations that though I am telling him "NO" in this particular case yet, I shall always be ready to help him in some other problem, if possible, in future. I also ensure to bid goodbye in a friendly way. 

DON'T ALLOW DILUTION OF YOUR CONTROL.

Initially, East India Company obtained permission from the Emperor Jahangir to trade in India. Slowly they built godowns and hired shooters to protect their godowns during the period of other emperors. Finally, they made fort-like godowns and recruited a large army to capture the whole India in a systematic and planned way.

Charles Seymour, MP, in the Jeffrey Archers novel " First Among Equal" appointed his right-hand man Mr. Clive Reynolds to look after his family bank in which the family had 4% shares but controlling power. Mr. Reynolds slowly made insignificant looking changes in the management of the bank and appointed his men in a systematic way. In due course, Mr. Reynolds became so much powerful that he double crossed Charles Seymour.

A popular idiom exhorts," Never allow any person to catch your fingers lest he would catch your wrist."

 Therefore silently and carefully keep an eye on even minor developments taking place in your circle of influence. Tactfully thwart all the major or minor attempts that may cause dilution of your control else one day you may find to your utter dismay that you have been thrown out of the steering wheel.

Once I read a famous idiom," Offence is the best defense." 
Therefore, try continuously to increase more and more control in your circle of influence and also expand it by leaps and bounds. Your friends and colleagues will help you best by the win-win theory. Please also read people management section of our lovely blog to get insights into getting along with people by the win-win method.

This theory is also applicable to self-management. 
Suppose you get up at 5.30 a.m. one day, the CHILD in you may suggest that there is no harm in sleeping one hour more today. If you oblige yourself, you may find that slowly you have become late riser. Therefore if you get up at 5.30 a.m. please try to set new target 5.25 or 5.20 a.m. and so on.

TELL BLACK MAILERS," AN UNEQUIVOCAL NO."

There is a short, interesting story about blackmail in Jeffrey Archer's novel," FIRST AMONG EQUALS."

A stunningly beautiful call girl Mandy sent a blackmailing note to Mr. Raymond Gould, the MP & undersecretary, asking 500 pounds. Mr. Gould hired solicitor Sir Roger Pelham and paid him 500 pounds to get rid of the blackmailer.

The attorney's logic was simple. If you pay the blackmailer beast, more ransom may be demanded sooner or later. Hence it is better to face the facts boldly and tell the blackmailer," A firm and unequivocal No."

Many times my friends approach me when they are fearful of certain impending blackmail. I calmly ask," What is the worst thing that can happen to us?"  I allow the question to be absorbed for some time. If no reply comes, I repeat the question again and then explain," The worst thing that can happen is that the cruel death will hit us and that is certain anyway then why are we so fearful? They get great relief often.

Blackmailers are nasty human beings. You can trust the deadly cobra but not the blackmailers.  I hear stories how did the king cobra spare a small child. During British rule, Shri Nehru lived in a jail which had many snakes but they never harmed him.
 One thing is certain about the deadly cobra that it will not harm you unless and until you put your foot absentmindedly on its body. But the devil's offspring,  the blackmailer will not allow you to heave a sigh of relief until you can fulfill his lust. Therefore, face the facts boldly, report police, take legal help or do any legal thing to get rid of him.

BE LIKE A POWERFUL MAGNET

BECOME A POWERFUL MAGNET

Once I viewed the great blockbuster Lagaan. 
 Bhuvan alone dared to accept the gauntlet thrown by the haughty Russel. All the villagers of Champaner were dead against forming a cricket team, of novice villagers, for challenging the skilled English team. But Bhuvan had a vision; he had will power, and he had firm determination. He narrated benefits and comforts that will be theirs after getting tax exemption. First Tipu volunteered to play in his team. Soon Bagha and Ghuran followed. Gradually the number of players started increasing. Deva came from Punjab with the sole motive to thrust a crushing defeat on the British. Even the Captain Russel's sister, Elizabeth was attracted to the noble cause and started teaching cricket to Bhuvan's team. 

A superb magnet has an irresistible attraction power.  The great magnetic personalities attract the masses for worthy causes.

Bhuvan of film "LAGAN"  had a pleasing personality as well as an indomitable will power. He showered love, regard, affection and good will on everybody he met. He had a clear vision to get three years tax exemption for the whole state. He promptly declared," In the impending threat, there is a marvelous opportunity of getting three years tax exemption." He tried to find a way amid difficulties, and his goal was for the benefit of the whole village. He continuously repeated his goal to keep the villagers motivated," There will be three years tax exemption if we win otherwise we will be forced to pay the triple tax." 
 Thus he became a powerful magnet.

Management lessons from Lagaan are taught at many places. We, too, may learn lessons of leadership, team building, etc. from this great film.  

BECOME A MULTIBILLIONARE IN EMOTIONAL CURRENCY

I had a fad for opening bank accounts in my student life. The minimum amount required for opening a saving account was just five bucks. I opened accounts in all two banks and the post office in Mehsi. I kept all my passbooks together and showed them with pride.
 When I got a job in Punjab National Bank, I got out of touch with banks and the post office in Mehsi. Slowly my accounts became inoperative, and the amount lying in them was forfeited.

Even now I have a hobby of opening emotional accounts with the persons I meet. 

 These heart-warming accounts are like overdrafts of banks. They can be either in debit balance or in credit balance.
 When I appreciate my friend and support him in his excellent works or sympathize with him in his hardships, a good number of emotional currency got credited to his heart's account for me. When I criticize someone, ask a favor or give some burden on my friend, my account balance of emotional currency in his heart account got debited. 

The formula of becoming rich is same in all endeavors- Accumulate and preserve as much as possible. So admire superior virtues of your friends, support them in their noble causes, and always appear first to wipe their tears away. Never forget to ask about their welfare off and on.
 You will be amassing huge emotional currency in their heart's accounts. The great leaders like Mr. Narendra Modi, Barack Obama, and Vladimir Putin know the art of depositing a large number of emotional currencies in the hearts of masses.

The good news is that we don't need any capital to start becoming a multi billionaire in emotional currency.  We neither need to pay any tax on it. We may start just now and start amassing an enormous wealth of emotional currency.
 A multi-billionaire in emotional currency may start getting other things like real money, a grand success, etc. effortlessly.

NICE- TOUGH OR TOUGH- NICE?

One of the world's best-selling authors Dale Carnegie in his legendary book" HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE" advocated to praise first before criticizing.

In their bestselling book "ONE MINUTE MANAGER," the renowned Management Guru Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson exhorted to adopt strict approach first and then be nice.

Which method should we adopt? Whether one approach is good enough for all situations or should we vary our methods according to situations?
I shall tell a real story to solve the dilemma.

 Once my boss became annoyed with me. I telephoned him and informed that his instructions got complied. He immediately forgot his annoyance. I felt that he was annoyed with my particular behavior only. But he continued to shower his love and good wishes on me as a person. 

My boss was nice most of the times; harsh sometimes. He was nice to us as a person but was tough on an undesirable behavior. As soon as the unwanted behavior was corrected, he forgot all his annoyance. He has been an exceptional performer and at present is a General Manager in our Bank.

I also believe the above approach works most of the times. However, you may adopt strict approach first when there is too much indiscipline. You may harm your adversaries or undisciplined person when it becomes inevitable. But most of the times take the nice tough approach. Be harsh with the undesirable behavior and respect the person and always be nice to him.

MAKE YOURSELF ACCEPTABLE FIRST

A great Super Star of Bollywood was reportedly sharing Dias with the veteran Mr. Sivaji Ganesan and Mr. Rajnikant in then Madras. The crowd was cold and indifferent.

When he rose to address, he expressed with reverence," Shivaji Ganeshan is my elder brother, and Rajnikant is my younger brother. The hall at once reverberated with clapping.

I am appreciated for my oratory skills among AIPNBOA members of Muzaffarpur circle.

 Once I addressed a rally at Bank of India, Zonal Office. I felt as if the crowd was sleeping. I became discouraged and cut short my speech. My friend and Regional Secretary of BOI Officers’ Association, Ashok Kumar Thakur came to my rescue and started clapping. The crowd also followed.

I analyzed the fiasco and learned lessons.

Recently Balajee Hyundai Auto Pvt Ltd invited me on the eve of the launching of their new car “Xcent.” When the lady anchor asked me to address, I told them,” My younger brother is the proud owner of an I-10 car. He always appreciates their helpful customer service.” I spoke for 5 minutes. When I finished, the small crowd clapped with full gusto.
 A speaker will not mind if he is kept hungry. But he feels severely starved without clappings.

While addressing a crowd at a new place, tell something genuine in appreciation of the area and the people residing there. Make people friendly and amiable towards you. You will be sailing smoothly after that.

RESIST PEER PRESSURE

 I joined Punjab National Bank at Muzaffarpur in 1982 and have been enjoying my job in our pyara-nyara bank since then.

People were very fond of Pan in the city.
 My colleagues enjoyed its green leaves with tobacco etc. and also often cajoled me to consume it. Some of them pleaded,” There is no harm in taking Pan sans tobacco.” 
 I, therefore, started to swallow tobacco less Pan with peppermint flavor. My other friend taunted then, ” Why do you take lady Pan? He also coaxed me to take a little tobacco.” I obliged him after a little hesitation. Gradually I got addicted to Pan Chewing.

My psychology behind surrendering before my colleagues was that if I refused to comply with their wishes, they would shun me, and I shall become an odd man out.
  Now I have forsaken this dirty habit, but I offer Pan to those who enjoy it.
 I maintain very healthy social relations with a large number of friends without sharing Pan, Cigarette, etc. with them.

Our popularity among our friends does not depend on, whether we share Pan, wine, and tobacco with them or not. It depends on the criteria, how much supportive we are in their projects or in their hardships.
Don't become compartment of the train and move where the engine goes but become the engine yourself and lead all the compartments in the right direction.

INCREASE YOUR EFFECTIVENESS & POPULARITY

Is there any sure shot way to increase your effectiveness and popularity? Try remembering names and faces of the persons around you.

 The name of a person is very very dear to his heart. Recognizing his name and addressing him with proper regard may make him your great fan. Such persons will put tremendous efforts in your projects provided other incentives are equal.

 Name of any person can be remembered easily by association, concentration and repetition. Often we forget name of a person within seconds of the first introduction. Try this method to solve the problem.

When someone tells you his name, associate his name with the name of a person already known to you. Suppose I introduce my name Uttam to you. You may loudly share that the name of your one more friend is Uttam, if it is so. You may also recall famous late actor Uttam Kumar. If the name of your new friend is associated with the name of a known person, you will remember it easily. During further talks, please address me by my name and suffix/prefix a suitable word of regard such as Uttam Jee, Uttam Babu or Mr Uttam as per convention of your area.

Please don’t forget to address your friend by name whenever you see an old friend. Please also ask welfare of common old friends and talk with eye contacts to remember the face of your friend also.

These simple techniques will help you much in remembering names along with faces. 

BE MORE HUMAN; BE MORE DEMANDING

There are cut throat competitions in the professional world. Everybody is after ass of everybody. Many trample the fallen to move ahead.

I understand the professionalism.

 If I lose temper often, people will shun me like an angry bull. If I surrender my position, I will become a failure. Therefore I become more human and more demanding in my professional dealings to clinch the best bargain for my team.

I don't give any concession impulsively in the professional world without pondering over all pros and cons.

I have been following Lord Shri Krishna in my professional dealings. He was soft and attractive, he was tactful and tough, and he is the savior. He exhorted to work wholeheartedly without being obsessed of the result. Jai Shri Krishna.

WHY HAVE I BEEN MASTER OF 'LEAVE ALONE REBUKE APPROACH'?

Once I invited a friend for dinner, but I didn't discuss the menu with my better half, she, therefore, decided the list herself and cooked to the best of her ability.
To our dismay, my friend didn't like the dinner.

 I was tempted to fight with her, but I had read about the 'Leave alone rebuke' approach. So I kept silent. When she asked whether my friend liked the dinner, I just smiled. Later on, I explained to her that I should have told her about my friend's eating habits.

You might be wondering what this damn 'Leave alone rebuke'  approach is?

 You give your colleague a task and leave him alone without specifying the details, then on one beautiful day, you awake and find that task is not done according to your unspecified expectations, and you start blaming the helpless fellow for the mess.

I have been adopting 'Leave alone rebuke' approach at my office, at my house, and at all places, because I have been a lazy man. I just used to pass the buck after allotting tasks to my colleagues.

I didn't want to discuss the details, shunned to monitor the progress and guide my juniors regularly, since all these required efforts and time.
 So I gave them a task, left them alone to do in their ways, then I started yelling at the end for not doing the job according to my expectations. The results were often miserable.

Now I have bidden Good Bye to the laziness. I get myself involved from the beginning to the end according to the principles of Situational Leadership developed by Mr. Ken Blanchard & Paul Hersey.  I explained the theory in my another article, ”NEVER DELEGATE TO THE JOKER." The results are far better now. I, my colleagues and my family members are enjoying a sense of accomplishment and are happier than ever.

IS TALKING SIMILAR TO DRIVING?

Talking is similar to driving in many ways.

1.  While driving, our vehicle may collide with the vehicle coming from the front. While talking, our emotions and ego may collide with the other person's emotions and ego. We, therefore, need to be equally careful while talking.

2. We get sufficient fuel for going on a long drive. Similarly, we must chalk out sufficient time for negotiating on important topics.

3. We carefully avoid potholes while driving on rough roads. We must handle controversial topics delicately while talking to a person. It is better to create topics of mutual interest also.

4. We grease the nuts and bolts of our vehicle to protect it from rust. We must use sincere appreciations in our talking to avoid misunderstandings & differences.

5. We keep our senses alert while driving.

 Our eyes continuously monitor all the traffic. Our ears listen to all the sounds with full attention. Our nostrils immediately smell anything burning or any fuel leak etc. Our sixth sense alerts us to any impending danger.   Similarly, we should continuously monitor body language, tone etc while negotiating and take corrective steps according to the need.
6. When we encounter novice, rash or drunken drivers, we keep patience and avoid accidents.  We need the same amount of patience and skill to  handle novice, rash or drunken negotiators.

RADIATE AN AURA OF FRIENDSHIP & GOODWILL

Everybody radiates an aura. Some radiate an aura of friendship, good will, and love. Some radiate an aura of hate, enmity, and negativity.

I read about a great Emperor in my childhood. He radiated love, confidence, regard and fear among his subjects. I was immensely impressed by the idea. I also try to practice it. You, too, may practice it. 

Behave like a sweet child sometimes so that your colleagues love you. Help them in need so that they have confidence in you. Show exemplary character, so that they regard you. Nip any indiscipline in the bud, so that they fear you. Always shower love, regard, friendship and good will where ever you go. Sympathize with those who are suffering. Express good wishes to all your friends and colleagues. Lift the spirits of those who come in your contact. Practice it and see the difference yourself. You may become Darling of your friends & colleagues. The persons working with you will be more productive than your competitors.  All the best.

GET WORKS DONE SMOOOTHLY

We get thousands of works done from our friends, relatives and colleagues; they are either our juniors or seniors. Often we ask for a particular task but on D day we find that something else has been done. Then there are arguments and counter arguments about what was asked to be done?
How to avoid this ticklish situation?

 So we must communicate in a crystal clear way about our objective and also ensure that the other party has understood the communication clearly. After that, we should politely ask the expected date when the work will be done. If a plan is not time bound, it may take an eternity without being complete.

 Don' forget to follow up after doing above mentioned things else people will not take you seriously. Therefore, please write the expected date of completion in your diary/mobile, so that you could ensure that the work is complete in the promised time frame.

  You may remind your seniors politely, indirectly and tactfully with due regard at an opportune time. However, you may advise your juniors to inform you when the task becomes complete. 
But don't forget to make follow up discreetly if they don't report after the lapse of the promised period. I would request you to read my another article "Ask, Ask & Ask “ too.

ADORE YOUR TOOLS.

Our, Father of the Nation, Mahatma Gandhi led the world's biggest peaceful movement to free our Mother India. He led simple and illiterate masses to fight against the mighty British Empire, but never complained that more than ninety percent of his followers were illiterate. He got incredible results from whatever resources were available to him.
Shri Ram vanquished the arrogant Ravan with the army of monkeys.

 Bhuvan(Amir Khan) made a cricket team of novice villagers in one of the biggest blockbusters "Lagan," and defeated the skilled but complacent English team. The film "Lagan" became so much popular among Management Gurus that some of them advised their students to view "Lagan" to learn Management lessons. I attended a training program on Managerial Development Program at Lucknow in July 2012. One fantastic trainer, Mr. Abhay Singh showed us some video clips of the Lagan to explain many management lessons. One may find a good number of  Management lessons from film Lagan on the internet.

In the famous best-selling book "One Minute Manager," the learned authors Mr. Kenth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson exhorted readers to spare one minute daily to look on the people they manage and realize that they are most valuable resources of the organization.

There is one popular idiom which says," A bad workman quarrels with his tools."

Let's stop cursing our tools. Able leaders often get astounding results with simple tools.

WHAT OUR BOSS WANTS ?

Our boss is also a human being like us. He too has a demanding boss. The big boss gives mind blowing targets to the poor fellow. Our boss is very hard pressed to achieve them fro earning appreciations, salary raise, promotion, etc., so he divides the targets among us. The people react in following 4 ways after getting goals.

1. Some persons sulk and say these tasks are not practical and never achievable. The boss gets very much irritated and brands them negative minded. 

2. Some say," Yes, we will achieve the targets comfortably." But they don't exert much to achieve the goals. Initially, the boss becomes happy. But afterward, he brands them, big braggarts.

3. Some persons accept the challenge happily and work wholeheartedly to achieve them but miss them slightly. The boss gets consoled that at least they tried sincerely.

4. Some persons not only accept the challenge with a brave smiling face but they also make innovative strategies to achieve the targets but leave no stone unturned to achieve them. The boss gets overjoyed with this category of persons. These persons are highly in demand at all places. They get incentives, promotions and appreciations. The other companies also look for poaching them into their company.